Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
