My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
