she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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