I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
