You smell like a Billy Joel song
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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