I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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