Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
