i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
