And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
