My liver just broke up with me...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
