i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
