dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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