All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She said her name was "party"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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