So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
