the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
