just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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