I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
