i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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