Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
