you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
