Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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