fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
