Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize