Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
