I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
