Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
