I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
