his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
