You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
