her vagine was all disorganized.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
