She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
