I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
