someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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