yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
