That's when you crack a 10am beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
