I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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