I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
