you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
