apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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