i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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