who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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