grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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