If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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