at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
