I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
