you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
