you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
