Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
