Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
