No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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