I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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