Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
